I Want to See You.

I have been so busy the last 3 weeks! I’ve jumped into this new job and I’ve been busy learning everything that comes along with it. My morning’s start between 5:00 and 5:30 at the gym, come home, get ready for work and then I’m off for the day. It’s been so wonderful, so refreshing and so encouraging to have this job.

But can I be honest? I’ve been struggling. I miss community. Life is so busy here. I went from getting to sit down and have time for conversations with friends to trying to squeeze them in when we each find free time that overlaps.

I’ve been struggling to see God. 

It’s not like I don’t know he’s there. Because He is. Always. I’ve felt pretty off the last few days. So much so that I texted one of my dearest friends this morning in tears to ask for prayer. Within minutes of texting her I walked into church and the opening song was “Open the Eyes of My Heart”. Old school classic right there. But I just immediately started crying. 1. Because as we were singing I could hear the lyrics being sung in creole in my head. 2. Because I knew that’s what was missing. My eyes were closed and that’s why I haven’t been seeing Him. I haven’t been spending time with God as much lately. I don’t even really have a good reason for it, other than my own shortcomings.  Church couldn’t have been more on point for me this morning and I’m so thankful God led me to this new (to me) body of believers.  I was reminded of so many truths. I was reminded to show myself mercy. I was reminded that when I seek Jesus I WILL find Him because that’s a promise He gives us in His word.

I’ve been so challenged the last few weeks to be different. I keep trying to figure out what life in Lancaster is supposed to look like now that everyone else’s, including my own, lives are different. I’ve been praying through what ministry is supposed to look like for me now. Do I volunteer at church or do I just go out into the community and meet people where they’re at? What God’s been showing me is that I need to continuously put Him first. I need to fight to do that and make it a priority. I need to open my eyes and look for Him even if it doesn’t feel like He’s right in front of my face.

God has been so gentle on me in this season of transition. He continuously shows me Mercy and grace. He’s teaching me so much. A few months ago I had no idea what I was stepping into. He’s so faithfully given me a job and has provided every single little, and big thing I’ve needed.  This season continues to be beautiful and challenging.  I just don’t want to miss any part of what He has in store for me. I don’t want to be deceived by my feelings on the hard days and I don’t want to fall into the busy lifestyle that doesn’t leave room for investing in people around me.

A year ago I was praying a prayer asking God to make me uncomfortable. I know that He answers prayers and I truly wouldn’t trade this season for anything. I’m so thankful that God allows me to walk through seasons of life like this. And I’m so thankful that as I walk through them He draws me closer to Him, reveals Himself to me i new ways and makes me stronger for it.

May my eyes always be open to what God is trying to teach me.


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